Newbie guide: All major coins explained

The crypto space can be overwhelming for beginners, there's just so many coins!
But fret not, I created simple explanations for all major coins to help you level up your crypto knowledge. Enjoy!
$Bitcoin (BTC.CC)$ : The first crypto currency, created by Nvidia to boost graphics card sales
$Ethereum (ETH.CC)$ : BTC but can also calculate your taxes
$Tether (USDT.CC)$ : US dollar but what if the money printer had a modem
$Binance Coin (BNB.CC)$ : ETH but what if rug pulls were cheaper
$XRP (XRP.CC)$ : CBDC (Central Bank Digital Currency) beta release
$Cardano (ADA.CC)$ : A whitepaper became self aware, grew a beard and created a crypto currency
Solana (SOL): ETH but what if <SEG FAULT #F9E7>
$Dogecoin (DOGE.CC)$ : BTC but what if dog
$Polkadot (DOT.CC)$ : You throw a party for blockchains but nobody shows up
Avalanche (AVAX): ETH but you think it's too simple and make it 3 blockchains
$Polygon (MATIC.CC)$ : ETH but you want to run ETH on it
$Litecoin (LTC.CC)$ : Dogecoin beta release
$Uniswap (UNI.CC)$ : What if you wanted to swap 1 ETH worth of coins for a fee of 2 ETH
$ChainLink (LINK.CC)$ : What if random numbers cost money
Cronos (CRO): You create a coin but you don't like it having use cases so you remove them
$Monero (XMR.CC)$ : BTC but what if it pissed off regulators even more
$Algorand (ALGO.CC)$ : What if you brought democracy to a blockchain without bombing it first
$Bitcoin Cash (BCH.CC)$ : BTC but with an insolvent CEO
$VeChain (VET.CC)$ : What if your coin's use case doesn't work out so you try out a new one every month
The Sandbox (SAND): Minecraft but what if it was designed by a hedge fund
ApeCoin (APE): What if you bought an ape JPEG for 1 million USD and still had money left over
Internet Computer (ICP): ETH but what if the price chart was reversed
Filecoin (FIL): Google Drive but what if you paid Bob to store your data instead
Axie Infinity (AXS): A full time job where your salary can get hacked
$EOS (EOS.CC)$ : What if you were the cool kid once but now work at McDonalds
Aave (AAVE): What if you got liquidated but it's decentralized so it's ok
$IOTA (MIOTA.CC)$ : What if your toaster could trade crypto currencies
THORChain (RUNE): Created by Marvel fans to get Chris Hemsworth's attention
$Loopring (LRC.CC)$ : Polygon but partnered with dying retail stores
Nano (XNO): A fast and feeless currency so good that nobody wants to use it
$Terra (LUNA.CC)$ : Created for ponzi scheme victims that still had money left over