BIGGEST REGRET DEEP REFLECTION

I would probably die alone; this could be the last decade of my life, though I’m not really sure. One thing I can say for certain is that I was chasing the wrong things. I chased a love relationship that doesn’t exist. I’m a nerd and a mechanic—that’s all.

This post is a reflection, and for those who find it useful, I will be very grateful.

The biggest regret of my life is that I didn’t study hard to achieve my original ambition of becoming a mechanical engineer. Instead, I became an engineer in another field. Even though I managed to earn a good income, there’s still something missing that I feel.

If I had ignored the distractions and faced the obstacles, things could have been different.

I struggled with studying because I had a mood disorder, and I didn’t identify the root cause until later, when I was in my mid-20s.

It turns out that my sugar intake was affecting my hormonal balance, combined with the shame and guilt from conditioning that suppressed my progress. I advise everyone to be very cautious about simple sugars—they’re really bad for you.

I need sex, and I should have been honest about it. What’s there to be ashamed of? We are human. Every time I met an attractive person, it drained my energy and took my focus away from my purpose. Long story short, all my relationships crumbled because we had different needs. Long-distance relationships will never work, no matter how hard you try. Come on, be real—everyone needs physical intimacy. In the end, I just became the ATM, the cash cow.

From my experience, I can say this: Helping someone who isn’t worth being helped doesn’t change anything. I should have focused on reaching my full potential. What good does it bring to help someone financially when all they do is eat, sleep, shop, and not dying? Let me give you some perspective: What if, instead of helping someone who’s mentally handicapped and always trying to take advantage of you, you helped someone who worked hard, studied, became a top student, and eventually worked for a big corporation, climbing the ladder?

In the grand scheme of life, the actions that you think are kind and humanistic don’t change anything fundamental. They only satisfy your ego and your fear. You’re afraid of being judged if you don’t help the person. Let me give you another perspective: If the person you helped was Steve Jobs when he was poor and hungry, would that make sense to you?

Therefore, I encourage everyone to get to know the person deeply and to be rational about it. I regret losing a significant portion of my savings due to my mistakes, but now it’s very clear to me: I will spend this last decade of my productive life serving my purpose.