Chinese Stocks: ‘Watch me flex, I Just Jumped 36% in Five Days’

Alright folks, it’s September! You know what that means—pumpkin spice is back, and apparently so is the stock market. The Fed's favorite "inflation thermometer" just posted its coolest reading since 2021, sitting at a chill 2.2%. It’s like the Fed saw this coming and started cutting rates, and now everyone’s like, “Wow, good job, guys! Totally saw that coming, right?”

Let’s talk Chinese stocks. These bad boys are still climbing like they found the cheat codes. $PDD Holdings shot up 6%, leading the Nasdaq 100 like it’s on a caffeine high. JD.com and Alibaba? They’ve been rising faster than the price of avocados at Whole Foods, hitting levels we haven’t seen in a year. Somewhere in China, a stock trader is doing the cha-cha.

Meanwhile, over at Walgreens, they decided to join the party, popping up 6%. That’s after hitting their lowest level in 28 years—talk about a comeback! "Don’t call it a comeback, I’ve been here for years," Walgreens probably didn’t say, but we can pretend.

And then, of course, there’s oil. It's back up after pulling a dramatic U-turn this week—because why not? There’s a potential war brewing in the Middle East and China’s tossing out stimulus like Oprah handing out free cars. "You get some stimulus! And you! And you!" And let’s not forget, Bitcoin is hanging around $66k, like that one guy who stays at the party way too long but nobody tells him to leave because he might buy everyone drinks.

On the flip side, Treasury yields are chilling out after their recent spike, and gold and silver are like, “We’ve had enough excitement for one week, thanks.”

But hold up, tech stocks? They’re doing their own thing and dragging the Nasdaq down like your friend who’s just "not feeling it" at brunch. The S&P 500 is *this close* to hitting a closing high, but tech’s like, “Nah, not today.”

And just when you thought it was safe, out comes the latest PCE inflation report with a whopping... slow growth. Core PCE up just 0.1% year over year. It’s like trying to get excited about a 10-cent raise—it’s something, but will it really cover your Starbucks habit?

Consumer sentiment took a bit of a dip, but people are still weirdly optimistic about the economy. "Sure, everything’s on fire, but hey, it’s a *controlled* burn."

So, traders, what’s the vibe today? What stonks are you watching, and is the herd stampeding in any particular direction? Let me know in the comments below before I start making my own wild guesses.

Oh, and before I forget—don’t take any of this as financial advice. Seriously, the last thing you want is to explain to your accountant why you invested all your savings in Bitcoin because you heard it "might buy everyone drinks."

Stay smart, stay sassy, and don’t forget: the stock market doesn’t have feelings, but we sure do.

Alright, I’m out. See you next time on "Stonks and Shenanigans!"