#Would you start a business with your family? I recently rec...

#Would you start a business with your family? I recently received a letter from a reader asking whether she should work with her brother. She is afraid that the emotions in their business may ruin their good relationship and even cause a falling-out. She also worries whether her abilities will meet her brother's expectations, and she'll have to find a new job in the end, leaving her in a dilemma. So, if you were in my place, how would you advise this reader? Some might say, absolutely not, as it could ruin your life's choices! Others might say, as long as you separate family from business, there's nothing that can't be done. Well, neither of these answers is completely wrong, but also not entirely right. I often say, "The solution to a problem is always on a higher level of understanding." If I were her, before discussing whether to work with her brother, I would first understand the dimensions of her brother's thinking. What are these dimensions? Let me tell you about my friend's experience first. I used to have a friend, A, whose girlfriend was running a business in a multi-level marketing company. After work, A often went to his girlfriend's house to help her manage the business, from handling orders to mailing out the products, he did it all. One day, his girlfriend asked him to quit his job and fully devote himself to helping her with the business. A thought that if he quit his job to fully assist his girlfriend, maybe he could earn even more money than he did through his job, so he agreed. After he dedicated himself to his girlfriend's business, she indeed made much more money than before - several times more. This should have been a happy occasion, but his girlfriend began to despise him, accusing A of relying on her to make money, unlike other boyfriends who have their own business, etc., and that he was useless. So, not long after, friend A broke up with this girl and focused on his own business. In this example involving my friend, it's clear that the girlfriend lacked understanding. If she had a higher understanding, she would realize that her success was not solely due to her own efforts. She would also understand that A's role was not just her other half, but also her business partner. Even if my friend requested a share of the profits, she would not refuse. On the contrary, if her understanding was not high enough, she wouldn't be able to see the perspectives mentioned above. She would think that her achievements were the result of her own hard work. So in the end, she would look down on A, thinking that he was useless. In this case, A would have been better off without quitting his job and focusing on his own business. So, if you want to understand where a family member's understanding is at, such as the brother mentioned by the reader, I would suggest directly asking that person: how your career path would be with your brother, what your future prospects would be like if you joined your brother's business, and if there's a chance for profit sharing, etc. And all the conclusions from discussions with your brother must be written down - this is the first step in protecting your own interests, even with family members, don't overlook this. Remember (don't worry, if the person's understanding is there, they won't mind the existence of this record, they'll actually be happy that the person they're working with is so reliable - this is based on experience, really). If the understanding is not high, he will give you vague answers or unable to respond, because he never thought about these questions in the first place. This also means, in the future, if his business does well, he also wouldn’t have the mindset to share the profits with you; and when his business doesn't do well, he would blame you for his failure. These things need to be communicated in advance. "Ugly words said first, ugly things will be behind" not only expresses your thoughts cleverly but also establishes the bottom line of your relationship, allowing you to navigate interpersonal relationships with ease. Speaking the ugly truth beforehand is not cold-hearted, it is sincere and principled, kind yet firm. Don't pretend to be generous just because it's family, thinking that you don't need to consider so much. Remember, your future is your own. If you don't look out for yourself, who will?