LVMH Dynasty: The Arnaults' Family Business Shuffle

Alright, folks, let’s talk about the latest episode of "Succession: The Arnault Edition." Yes, you heard it right. Bernard Arnault, the man who practically owns your luxury dreams, has appointed his 29-year-old son, Frederic, as the head honcho of the family holding company controlling LVMH. Because, you know, when you're worth billions, what’s nepotism but a fancy French word?

Frederic, who is the fourth out of five of Arnault’s protégés, is stepping into Nicolas Bazire’s shoes as managing director of Financiere Agache. And let me tell you, this is like being handed the keys to the kingdom. LVMH, for those of you living under a rock made of cubic zirconia, owns brands like Louis Vuitton, Dior, and Tiffany & Co. Yeah, that Tiffany, the one Audrey Hepburn loved.

Now, Frederic didn’t just waltz into this role after a bougie brunch at the Ritz. Oh no, he graduated from Ecole Polytechnique, just like dear old dad. It’s basically the French way of saying, "Look, we’re both smart and classy." Recently, he’s been the boss at LVMH Watches and TAG Heuer, because apparently, this family measures success in timepieces.

Meanwhile, shares of LVMH ticked up 1.34% at the news. That’s right, folks. The stock market loves a good family drama. It’s got everything: luxury, power, and a dash of sibling rivalry. Just like “Keeping Up with the Kardashians,” but with more champagne and less contouring.

Bernard Arnault, the 75-year-old patriarch, insists he’s not retiring anytime soon. They even raised the CEO age limit to 80. I guess when you’re that rich, even time wants to give you a break. But Bernard is setting up his kids in key roles faster than you can say, “Oui, chef.”

Let’s not forget Delphine, the eldest, who’s now the CEO of Dior, the crown jewel after Louis Vuitton. Then there’s Antoine, the image and sustainability czar, who’s also running Christian Dior SE, another family treasure chest. Alexandre is keeping it cool at Tiffany & Co., and Jean, the baby of the bunch at 25, is in charge of watchmaking at Louis Vuitton. This family’s Christmas card must be wild.

And for those not in the bloodline, Antonio Belloni, Bernard’s right-hand man for 23 years, stepped down and was replaced by Stephane Bianchi. This guy knows a thing or two about family business from his days at Yves Rocher. Talk about a seasoned pro!

So there you have it, folks. The Arnaults are making moves, plotting takeovers, and probably having very intense family dinners. It’s all in a day’s work for the world’s most luxurious dynasty.